New bank account

I've established a new bank account but it's so empty and lonely. What I'm hoping for is that somewhere out there, I can hook up with some royalty from a war-torn area that may need to shuffle money out of the country. Perhaps if I let them use my new bank account, I can get a percentage of the cut. I know it's a long shot, but a guy can dream. If anyone reading is just this sort of royalty, please do let me know.